My father died yesterday afternoon. He had been in Hospice care at a memory care facility for about two weeks. I've been here in North Carolina for about ten days, staying with my mom. She, my sister, and I (and sometimes my two nieces) took turns sitting with him, watching him breathe, wondering which breath would be his last.
It has been a long week. At times it was hell, particularly during the few times that I was certain he was in some kind of pain, and I couldn't do anything about it.
It's also been a long few years as dementia and poor health made him more and more dependent on my mom and on the 24-hour care she hired. I have been coming up to NC at least once a month, often bringing my work laptop and working remotely from their house. So while it hasn't been hard on me the way it has on my mom, it's been a challenge for my family. But I wouldn't have done anything differently.
He died peacefully, and I'm thankful for that. He was in a coma-like sleep for several days before his death. My mom and I were with him all of yesterday morning, and then I left to pick up a Subway sandwich for my mom. After that, I headed back to her house for a quick lunch of fruit and yogurt, and I was planning to go back in another hour or so. My sister arrived shortly after I left, and she texted me to say that his breathing was shallower. I hadn't really noticed; when I was there, it had been as steady as always.
Then she called me just a few minutes later to tell me that the end was very near, and that may may have already breathed his last. I rushed to the memory care facility, but he was gone by the time I got there. Truthfully, he'd been gone when she called me. She'd gone out to get the facility supervisor and had stepped outside to call me first.
I am so thankful that I had so many years with him. So thankful that he and my mother adopted me when I was a helpless baby. So thankful.
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| Me and my dad in April 2023 |
To make this a piano post ...
I may be playing some of the music for his funeral next weekend. Mostly it will be old hymns that he loved -- In the Garden, The Old Rugged Cross, etc.
When my sister got to the facility yesterday, she turned the TV on to the Pandora station. Over the last few days, we've played it often, set on a channel that plays hymn arrangements -- mostly new-age style, but some choral and solo arrangements too. "It is Well with My Soul" was playing when he took his last breath. I may be playing that beautiful hymn as well, though they might just use their church musician, who is likely to play it better.
I'm also working on a piece of my own that I might play. Following the example of Bach and his B-A-C-H motif, I'm writing one for H-F-B (my father's initials). I have a rough version of it on video from the facility piano, but I'll make a better version on my piano at home this week. I'll need to do quite a bit of practicing over the next few days to have the music ready. So that one is iffy.
And that is all. July and August have not been productive piano months, obviously. I did watch quite a few Piano With Jonny courses on pop/contemporary and new age music, and these were some of the inspiration for my H-F-B piece. They've also given me some ideas for playing my own hymn arrangements.
I'm sure I will start posting more over the next few days when I'm back home and practicing daily again. And I'll share a video of the new piece I'm working on.
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