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Coming To Terms (Not a Piano Post)

For the past three years, the period from mid-November to late March has been devoted, in part, to volleyball, as my daughter played on a club team. She’s never been a power player, but she enjoyed being part of the team and making friends along the way. My husband and I loved it too—the parent friends, the travel, the memories, and, of course, watching our kid play! And as a volleyball enthusiast, I always looked forward to the games.

My #34, on the court with her 15s teammates last season.

A Time for Change

This year, I knew things would change. I’m now on the coaching staff for her club and had asked to be the assistant coach for whatever team she was on, provided she decided to try out (which was uncertain) and made a team. She had been waffling all year about whether to try out. A bad experience with her coach last year made her swear off volleyball, but a good JV season at school gave her some renewed interest. When two of her good friends said they were trying out, she decided to try out with them.

Are You Sure?

In the weeks leading up to tryouts, I asked her multiple times, “Are you sure you want to play club?” I sensed a lack of enthusiasm, and with her academic load much heavier this year, I worried about her ability to balance school and volleyball. I knew she could manage it, but I feared she’d be stressed and miserable, with no real time to rest.

The Tryout

I had been working tryouts all day when she arrived for the older girls’ session (16s/17s) that afternoon. Her group was in a different gym from mine (15s), but they joined us for the last hour or so. When I saw her face, I knew things weren’t going well. She mentioned her neck was hurting (a recurring issue since the car accident), and I felt bad for her. She looked unhappy on the court, and I could only offer encouragement and sympathetic smiles from the sidelines.

After tryouts, before we even left the gym, she walked up to me and said, “Mom, I don’t want to play club.” I asked, “Are you sure?” She replied, “I’m sure.” I spoke with the director afterward, who encouraged Anne to return for callbacks the next day. I mentioned Anne’s neck issues, which were affecting her play, and the director said she’d inform the coaches for the next day’s tryouts.

On the way home, Anne repeated, “I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t know why I even came to tryouts. I knew I didn’t want to play.” I told her to think it over carefully and that if she still felt the same in the morning, I’d email the director to let her know.

For the Best?

After more conversation, I realized her decision to quit was probably for the best. I have mixed feelings. I’m sad because we’ll miss the chaotic fun of club volleyball season. I’ll miss watching her games, cheering her on, and being part of the volleyball parent community. At the same time, I feel relieved. Club volleyball is a huge commitment of time and money, and as much as I love it, it’s not worth it if my daughter doesn’t share that passion. Financing it this year would have been challenging, too, since we’re also paying for private school.

The hardest part to accept is that I won’t be assistant-coaching a team. I was genuinely excited about that role. I’ve completed the head coach certification at The Art of Coaching Volleyball and have consumed countless coaching resources, and now I won’t get to apply that knowledge. I’ll still coach in the winter non-travel league, which I’m looking forward to, but I’m disappointed about missing out on coaching a travel team.

That said, I was a bit worried I’d taken on too much—working full-time, being a mom, playing piano, being involved in church, volunteering for CFBU, and more. It’s already a lot! Coaching, even as an assistant, would have been a significant time commitment. So maybe this is for the best. (And there's always next year!)

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