Skip to main content

Anger

I mentioned yesterday that life has been hard lately. It is due to a number of things. One of the results, or one of the causes, maybe, is that I have been so angry lately. Furious. Bitter. I honestly feel like I hate everyone. I don't, but there are times when I just want to start screaming, or beating my head against the wall, or throwing plates at the wall.

There are a few things that help. Exercise is one, so I've made an effort to hit the gym most days since I got home from North Carolina. And, of course, there is piano. Whether I'm just moodling (musical doodling) on a chord progression or drilling a tricky passage, piano helps me to take my focus off my anger.

If I can get some piano time and some exercise time into a single day, then I'll likely make it to the next day without feeling like my head will explode.

But then there is another thing that makes me really angry: when I'm playing piano and someone in the family yells at me to "turn it down" or "put on the headphones." The complaint isn't what makes me angry so much as the fact that no one in my family appreciates my music. My husband will be like, "Sure, I'd love to listen to you play something!" But as soon as I start playing, I can see him scrolling through his phone out of the corner of my eye. My daughter has no interest whatsoever in hearing me.

I know there are people out there who do appreciate piano music. There are people out there who would hear me and be impressed with my skills. There are people out there who would say, "Just keep playing for as long as you want. I just want to sit here and listen." My dad has always been one of those people.

But they are few and far between. Mostly, no one gives a shit. And, for someone who would love to be able to play for an audience, it can be very frustrating. I can't even hold the attention of my own family.

The only person who really enjoys listening to me play piano is ... me.

It's one reason I appreciate the PWJ (Piano With Jonny) Facebook page. I don't know how many people listen to the entire videos that I post, and I don't care. Everyone is receptive and encouraging. And they are all pianists of all levels, so they appreciate the work that must go into the difficult pieces that I play.

I love piano, but I hate that it makes for such an isolated life. You would think music would do the opposite.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rethinking Bare Necessities

Today's breakthrough moment (there are actually two of them) focuses on "Bare Necessities." As you'll remember, I discovered Jonny May's arrangement back in early March and immediately decided to learn it. I printed out the music, started the course, and proceeded to learn the stride section, posting a few videos of my progress. Ha. I bet those videos make it look like I was making progress. I guess I was ... but not really. And I realized something this weekend that I hadn't before: Because I was thinking of "Bare Necessities" as a "fun" piece, I wasn't practicing it seriously or diligently. I wasn't treating it as something I wanted to master. This mindset might work with an easier piece, but this arrangement isn't easy. The result: despite a little progress at the outset, I wasn't moving forward. I was stalled. Breakthrough #1 The first breakthrough was realizing that if I truly want to learn this piece and play it well,
Post a Comment
Read more

March Goals Recap/Looking Ahead to April

It's April 1, and time to revisit the goals I set for last month. I practiced a total of 50.45 hours in March, averaging 1.62 hours (or just over an hour and a half) per day. Realistically, I practice about 45 minutes to an hour a day on weekdays, and I usually get at least one longer practice (or multiple shorter practices) in on one or both days of the weekend to bring the average up. CLASSICAL GOALS Chopin, F Minor Nocturne March Goal: Have entire piece by memory and performance-ready. I have about 90% of the piece by memory, but I still have some work to do before it's performance-ready. The only two sections that I don't quite have are "The Agitation" and the "stretto" section with the seventh chords. I'll work on both this week and will have them both memorized before the weekend. April Goal: Finish memorizing, and polish, polish, polish! My focus now is really on phrasing and dynamics. I have the notes down, even in the difficult passages. Fro
Post a Comment
Read more

Maple Leaf Rag Breakthrough

Oh, Maple Leaf. Where to begin? At the Beginning I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I learned the A and B sections of Maple Leaf Rag back in the 1990s. I can’t tell you if it was early, mid- or late 90s, but it was during those 10 years after I’d graduated college, when I was playing a good bit of piano but not taking regular lessons from anyone. I don’t remember teaching it to myself at all. I just know that, at some point, the first half of Maple Leaf Rag was part of my two- or three-song repertoire of pieces I’d be able to play by memory over the next 25 years. It was always sloppy and I knew it, but people loved it, and so I played it if there was ever a piano around. Back in January, I decided to properly re-learn those two sections, and to finally learn the C and D sections of this wonderful piece. I worked on these over the next month or two, learning (and-relearning) the notes pretty quickly ... but it took time to memorize, and also to get everything to tempo surpassing a
Post a Comment
Read more