Skip to main content

Anger

I mentioned yesterday that life has been hard lately. It is due to a number of things. One of the results, or one of the causes, maybe, is that I have been so angry lately. Furious. Bitter. I honestly feel like I hate everyone. I don't, but there are times when I just want to start screaming, or beating my head against the wall, or throwing plates at the wall.

There are a few things that help. Exercise is one, so I've made an effort to hit the gym most days since I got home from North Carolina. And, of course, there is piano. Whether I'm just moodling (musical doodling) on a chord progression or drilling a tricky passage, piano helps me to take my focus off my anger.

If I can get some piano time and some exercise time into a single day, then I'll likely make it to the next day without feeling like my head will explode.

But then there is another thing that makes me really angry: when I'm playing piano and someone in the family yells at me to "turn it down" or "put on the headphones." The complaint isn't what makes me angry so much as the fact that no one in my family appreciates my music. My husband will be like, "Sure, I'd love to listen to you play something!" But as soon as I start playing, I can see him scrolling through his phone out of the corner of my eye. My daughter has no interest whatsoever in hearing me.

I know there are people out there who do appreciate piano music. There are people out there who would hear me and be impressed with my skills. There are people out there who would say, "Just keep playing for as long as you want. I just want to sit here and listen." My dad has always been one of those people.

But they are few and far between. Mostly, no one gives a shit. And, for someone who would love to be able to play for an audience, it can be very frustrating. I can't even hold the attention of my own family.

The only person who really enjoys listening to me play piano is ... me.

It's one reason I appreciate the PWJ (Piano With Jonny) Facebook page. I don't know how many people listen to the entire videos that I post, and I don't care. Everyone is receptive and encouraging. And they are all pianists of all levels, so they appreciate the work that must go into the difficult pieces that I play.

I love piano, but I hate that it makes for such an isolated life. You would think music would do the opposite.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Rusty Lock and Key

I'm in a room. There's a door in front of me. On the other side of that door is a whole world of adventure and imagination and joy and delight, but for the moment, I'm locked in this gray little room. The door itself has a lock that is all rusted. I've tried to open it in the past, but I've never gotten very far. Sometimes I try to scrape the rust off the lock. I also have a rusty old key that I occasionally try to polish. Each time, after I've made a little progress, I'll put it into the keyhole in hopes of opening the door. It turns a half a millimeter or so, but the brief excitement at my progress dies quickly when I realize, once again, the lock isn't opening. I set the old key aside, and from there I can forget about the door, the lock, and the world outside, for months—years, even. But then something happens—I hear birdsong, or I catch a glimpse of color—and I pick up the key and start picking away at the stubborn rust. That dark little room is my ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Amazing Practice Tracker 2.0: Leveling Up My Piano Game

(Apologies for the cheesy clip art. I needed to come up with something, or the Blogger template would show a fuzzy, overly-enlarged snippet of the first chart below.) When I showed my husband my piano practice tracker, he said I should market and sell it. Ha. It’s not for sale, but I’m excited to share how this tool has transformed my practice—and why it might inspire all three of my readers. Since my last post about the Amazing Practice Tracker, I’ve made it even better. Here’s a peek at how it works, using my June data. All The Pretty Colors, All the Pretty Winners My tracker now sparkles with color: darker shades for active pieces, lighter ones for maintenance, technique, and sight-reading. Each day, the piece I practice most gets a bright yellow highlight—a little “gold medal,” if you will. (Click image for a slightly larger view.) A leaderboard automatically shows the day’s top piece and time. And if that isn't enough, I keep track of the month's leaders--specifically, ho...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dance of the Digits

Note: I've expanded significantly on this post over at my other blog, A Sort of Notebook . I am loving Liszt. I love the way my hands have to "share" the melody. I have so much to write on that, but I'm borrowing a computer and don't have enough time to do it justice. Suffice it to say that I've practiced three and a half wonderful hours today, and about two hours on Liszt alone. What I find wonderful about Liszt is that it pushes one hand hard, but not too hard. Then the other hand gets a turn to be pushed. But it's never both at the same time, and never one hand for too long. It's hard to explain. When I have more time to write, I'll word things rather more eloquently, I'm sure. All I can say now is that my fingers feel like they're dancing a wonderful, graceful dance. I've been trying to "play with my body," as my piano teacher says to do, so all of me is dancing. And Standchen, though it still need a lot of work (like, um...
3 comments
Read more